Dear Hoomans,

I have noticed over the past couple of weeks you have been staying in my home for extended periods of time. It is lovely having you here but I feel I should set a few ground rules.

I would appreciate it if you would follow the rules whilst you are staying with me:

1. When you do pop out you will need to take me with you.

2. You seem to be eating lots of nice goodies whilst lazing about the house. I am entitled to a share of these. I won’t make a fuss I will just sit in front of you and quietly stare at you until I get my quota.

3. Don’t call me for another bath, I am clean now. Just because you are bored doesn’t mean I need a wash or haircut. I suggest you go clean the metal box on wheels outside again. Daddy human has done that a few times now even though it hasn’t moved in weeks.

4. As you are here constantly at the moment, it is your duty to let me out as often as I require. That means that even if I have just come in and want to go out again you should let me. Sometimes I miss a spot whilst sniffing about and I need to recheck.

5. When I am asleep, leave me sleeping, this isn’t a cue for the little humans to play with me. I can also sleep where I like, I don’t expect to be woken so you can move me.

6. Do not shhhh me when I am barking. As you are here more, my job of protecting you has increased. I have to listen out for every little noise and inform you of it in case it’s a threat.

7. Don’t leave a room without me, I know how sneaky you guys can be. Just the other day I am sure I heard a crisp packet being opened upstairs and no one called me to share. So from now on I will be following you about.

8. This is a very important rule. If it lands on the floor it’s MINE, if it’s in my mouth it’s MINE.

9. You will never pee alone again, you watch me pee so I do not understand why you shut me out and close the loo door when you pee.

10. If you do not follow these rules I will use SAD PUPPY DOG EYES TO GET WHAT I WANT !!

Yours Sincerely,

Your Best Friend